I hate sharing the personal and embarrassing stories but I think that it is important to share the things that we do not like talking about. It is hard to imagine the pain we go through physically but mentally there is some pain too. Feelings of not being able to do things and feeling guilty because friends change plans to incorporate you. These feelings stay below the surface majority of the time until something happens…
It was not a terrible pain day but there was some pain in my legs. I decided I could tackle the errands and I went to the grocery store to get a few things. Well while I was in there I started to feel more and more pain. I thought to myself just push through and get the last few things and go home, you’ll be fine. Well I wasn’t. I will never forget this. My hip subluxed on the milk isle. I tried to grab the cart and it rolled, as carts do… I don’t know what made me think the cart was going to be my saving grace but I fell and hard. I hit the ground. Luckily I got my hands in front of me and caught myself enough to keep my face from crashing into the floor. On the isle were three other people. An older man and his wife and a younger guy. They all three rushed to my aid. I was in immense pain but more embarrassed. The older gentleman tried to help me up and this was my breaking point. I did not let the people around me see me upset. To them I tripped and thought it was hilarious because I laughed it off. I got to my feet and laughed while brushing myself off. I thanked them for being so kind and said I was fine every time they asked if I was sure I was okay. They probably asked 20 times because it was so bizarre. The older woman even asked if I had eaten. How sweet, right? The older couple offered to help me get my groceries and I told them I was almost done anyway. Throughout the whole conversation, I maintained my smile and laughed it off as I had just tripped, knowing in my head that something was seriously wrong inside my body but I could not bring myself to saying anything to these nice strangers. I went straight to the check out, without the rest of my list, trying not to limp or cry even though I wanted to lay in the floor and cry until I could not cry anymore. I checked out and even had a nice conversation with the cashier. The whole time we were talking in my head, I was screaming, “Can you just hurry so I can get out of here?!?”. When finishing up I was getting ready to pay and guess who gets behind me in line? Yup, the sweet old couple. They asked me again if I was alright and I kindly said yes and that I would go home and eat, since the woman asked again if I needed food. When I finally got to my car, I loaded the groceries, got into the drivers seat, and cried. I mean ugly cried. I was in so much pain mentally and physically. I called my mom on the way home and told her about the incident after I calmed down a bit. I can honestly say that is the most embarrassed I have been because of my dislocations. Being 21 and having a elderly couple be concerned about you is hard on the emotions. I kept thinking, I should be the one trying to help them. I should be the one offering to carry things for them. I should not be seen as incapable by a older fellow. It is something I have learned to laugh at but it was so scarring at the time.
“The world isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It will beat you down if you let it, and nothing hits harder than life.” – Rocky Balboa
I had the worst experience of my life but it made me stronger. I am able to laugh about it now but every now and again I have moments that remind me of the how hard life can hit. Try to let things go. Don’t hold in the pain. Talk about it, write about it, draw, listen to music, what ever helps you maintain sanity. I talk to you guys! Bad days happen but good days are the ones to remember.
If you have had a rough experience and want to share please comment or send me a message.